Five things

[frayadjacent]

1. I'm very slowly making my way through Festivids, alphabetically, only skipping vids with "chooses not to warn" (though even then if I'm familiar with the source or I see lots of "that was fun/delightful/sweet" type comments, I'll go for it). I'm really enjoying the vids! A lot of people have posted recs and I'm not going to do that, but if you like vids and you haven't checked out Festivids yet, here they are. Also I've been pleased to find that after watching a vid I can leave not just a semi-coherent comment but I can usually say something specific that I liked about the vid, which I chalk up to having more experience watching and talking about and especially beta-ing vids. It feels nice to have the vocabulary and mental framework to be able to do that without difficulty.

2. kuwdora is going to mentor me/work with me for the rest of the year on vidding! I am very excited about this arrangement. To that end, today I wrote out a timeline of vid projects for 2015, keeping in mind con deadlines and whatnot. It's ambitious but doable if I stay on top of vidding, and if I make the seven vids on the list then I'll have said the most important things I currently want to say about my two most beloved fandoms, BtVS and Xena. If I manage to actually do it, I wonder how that might change vidding for me. I've had a few things hanging over my head and the idea of having them finished this year sounds really really good.

3. I am finally really running again! So much so that I bought a new running shirt, because I was going through them too quickly. My mileage is still painfully low. I look back on the days when I regularly ran 4-6 miles without stopping and I can't imagine it; I'm going more like 2-3 miles and having to stop and walk several times. BUT I'm doing it.

4. I've been really struggling to focus lately. On everything: work, vidding, chores, Festivid-watching, even relaxing. And it's felt related to a general crankiness and uptick in my (mild) anxiety. Last weekend was one of those that just happened, and at the end I didn't even know what I'd done. I hate that feeling and the listlessness keeps building with it, but today I came to a realization: not every day has to have a perfect story arc, a Thing I Did. I don't have to clean the whole house or have an epic day of vid-farr or hang out with people all day. I can poke at a vid and chat with people on Twitter and watch one episode of one show and do a chore or two and go running and just kind of hang out, and *that's fine*. And I immediately felt much better. And I know this will pass; like most people, I imagine, I have phases where my focus is better and phases where it isn't.

5. Shows I'm enjoying right now: Elementary, The Mindy Project, Selfie, and a Key Episode Farscape rewatch. And tonight I'm going to check out Fresh of the Boat.

Comments

[laurashapiro]

Wow, how great to have a vidding mentor! I confess I'm not sure why you think you need one, as your vids are already terrific, but learning is of course a good thing at any stage.

Congratulations on getting back to regular exercise. That matters so much. It'll surely help your mood, too. Endorphins: the best.

[frayadjacent]

Thank you! And yeah, mentor is maybe not quite the right word, but I'm not sure what a better one is. She'll beta my vids -- which I'm delighted for because I have never had a consistent beta relationship and I tend to feel shy about asking as much of my betas as I'd like! -- and she'll also be there to talk about vidding and my plans to for idea-bouncing, suggest exercises (which I'm not sure I'll take the time for, though I like the idea), and so forth.

Yeah, endorphins are great. And I'm just getting tot he point where I can run long enough that my body starts making them. It's a big help.

[laurashapiro]

That sounds like a great arrangement!

[sanguinity]

I haven't been taking those "chooses not to warn" as seriously as I probably should, and have frantically back-buttoned a couple of times. (Only a couple of times, though. Most of the people who choose not to warn are not doing it for any reason I properly understand.) (No, you don't have to explain it to me: I know there was a huge, highly-charged fandom-wide debate about that just before my time, and I'm not asking anyone to relive or recap it for me.)

Oo, a vidding mentor! chaila is my vidding mentor! All of our conversations go like so:

Me: Should I do a thing? I'm not at all sure--
Her: YES! ABSOLUTLEY YES. DO THE THING. DO ALL THE THINGS.
Me: But is it--?
Her: IT IS AN EXCELLENT IDEA, DO ALL THE THINGS.

The closest I've heard her to expressing hesitation was when I said I was considering a Lord King Bad vid about genocide. Her reaction was "I have no idea how that would work but none of my friends ever have bad ideas so DO THE THING."

(Heh, I tease, but it's been invaluable to have someone who is all JUST MAKE IT. And she hasn't yet been wrong.)

[jadelennox]

I used to ignore the choose not to warns, and have therefore seen some snippets from vids that will forever give me nightmares. Mostly, but not entirely, from Supernatural or Kill Bill. Now I pay attention to them.

[sanguinity]

Bitch Slap was a bit of a shock this year, and so was Zodiac. (But the build on Zodiac was slow enough that I really should have hit the backbutton far earlier than I did, and it did warn for graphic violence. Obviously, I need to READ MORE AND BETTER.)

No aspersions toward either vid, of course; my ability to watch a vid is a different axis than whether the vid is worth watching.

[frayadjacent]

my ability to watch a vid is a different axis than whether the vid is worth watching

*Nods* Yeah, sometimes I wonder if I can, like, train myself to be less sensitive (and actually I *am* less sensitive than I used to be, and I've also become more clear about what will bother me and what won't) just so I can watch more great vids and shows.

this is a total tangent: how best to elicit surprise?

[ghost_lingering]

There has only been one vid (the Life After Beth one) in this Festivids round that I saw where CNTW enhanced my particular viewing experience, because it meant that I was really truly surprised by the vid in a good way, but in that case, anyone who had seen the film wouldn't have been surprised. So the surprise only works for people who hadn't seen the film and that group is the group that most benefits from content notes (there is definitely gore that happens later in the vid and some shots that are basically of a sexual assault, though they are more upsetting for other reasons, IMO). No idea if CNTW was a result of the vidder wanting there to be a surprise or not, but it underscored for me how CNTW as a way of surprising the viewer is a flawed one, because if it's the source content itself that is the surprise then it only works for a specific segment of viewers. I have more thoughts on this, but they don't really lead anywhere so I will end here.

Anyway, I too have been watching CNTW vids (mostly because my eyes aren't acting up, so I'm less worried about migraines via vid-watching) (and also because the things that hit me tend to be idiosyncratic anyway, so I'm used to quickly closing out tabs), so there have definitely been a few I've stopped watching because of violence, etc, but that was the only one that made me really think about why it was CNTW and what that meant for my viewing experience. (It also made reccing it a bit weird because I wasn't sure if I should warn or not.)

I am trying to imagine what a LKBV about genocide would even be??? Did you make it? Is it available on-line??? Can I see it???

Re: this is a total tangent: how best to elicit surprise?

[frayadjacent]

Hmm, that's true. I had a bit of a surprise from the Black Swan vids because I didn't know anything about that film, but it's the same thing -- it only surprised me because of my unfamiliarity. The surprise was specific enough that the warnings (body horror, some others) didn't give it away.

OTOH, when I think of vids that surprise me when I do know the source (e.g., bradcpu's BtVS vid "Creep", which has a twist in the second chorus) warning or not warning wouldn't really make a difference? I mean I guess if he warned for suicide it could be construed as a hint, but not really, especially since there is quite a bit of suicidal ideation in BtVS so it wouldn't really give that much away, if anything.

It also made reccing it a bit weird because I wasn't sure if I should warn or not.

Oh, huh, I never thought about that. Hmm.

Re: this is a total tangent: how best to elicit surprise?

[ghost_lingering]

Speaking of idiosyncratic things that hit me -- I wasn't able to finish either Black Swan vid, they made me too nervous!

Anyway, I don't think I'd ever seen "Creep" -- it's very cool! Yeah, there are definitely different types of surprise that can happen in vids and not all would even be something that content notes would even suggest. The surprise in Creep is the POV switch, not anything that would show up in content notes, familiarity or no. Or, another example, This Be The Verse in this year's Festivids crop, which has a (IMO) delightful surprise, but not one that needs warnings for and not one that someone familiar with the Batman show could guess. thuviaptarth's Hey Ho also is surprising, a bit, in the second verse: it's set up to be a condemnation of Tony's compliancy in the military-industrial complex, which is a relatively common take on things, and then turns it around to the rest of the superhero world as well. So surprise is possible! I'm just not sure it's a good idea to rely on something in canon as the surprise & (by extension) rely on CNTW as a way of making sure it stays that way. Again, not even sure if that's what the vidder for the Life After Beth vid is doing: it was just something I started thinking about after watching the vid, because my experience of the vid was one of surprise, largely because it was CNTW. Though, thinking on it further, I think had there been content notes, I would have thought it was going somewhere entirely different -- I would not have expected what happened even if it said "sexual violence" or "gore" (perhaps *especially* if it said sexual violence). I definitely would have watched the vid differently (if I had watched it at all) and, I think, not liked it as well -- I would have expected the sexual violence and gore to look very different and have been bracing myself for that. My expectations would have been more serial killer-y and less genre.

Re: this is a total tangent: how best to elicit surprise?

[sanguinity]

*watches the Life After Beth one* Hm. I personally would have done better with a hint up front, but I also see your point that the enjoyment on that one could be improved by not knowing where it was going. But yeah, if you're familiar with the source, you already know where it's going.

...and first-time viewers of the source would probably have had some sort of cues about genre and whatnot, which serve some of the functional purpose of warnings. Generally speaking, I'm a big believer in the contract with the reader/viewer, where you give them some sort of advance cue about what they're in for, and then abide by those early cues.

(And yet I acknowledge that I love seekingferret's Henry Reed story, which is a flagrant violator. He used me as a beta on that, and we both spent some time sweating over the warning/contract-with-the-reader/spoiler issue. And then it came up again when I was trying to figure out how to rec it.)

The LKBV is incomplete and resting: it was the vid I had just started when I VERY RUDELY DISCOVERED that my computer upgrade had killed my editing program. I worked on it for a few weeks after changing programs, but... Well, wrestling with the program AND with the vid was too much, and then Festivids happened and I've been too busy to get back to it.

The plan was to make it, and then decide whether to publish it. (Not all things should be set free to roam around the internet without supervision.) But I'll keep your and Fray's interest in mind, should it be a case of "I'm not setting this one loose, but I am willing to show it to people I trust."

Re: this is a total tangent: how best to elicit surprise?

[ghost_lingering]

I think part of my love for the Life After Beth vid is that it's set up to be a vid about a particular kind of introspective ~deep~ film about death and loss and then -- surprise zombies! While I like/love many individual deep introspective films I also have low tolerance for the genre's bullshit. The vid reminds me a bit of a joke I used to make when I was in film school which was: "What does a Godard film with zombies look like?" And the answer is exactly the same. (I think that the follow up joke, if I'm remembering correctly, was "What does an Ozu film with vampires look like?" exactly the same.) There are certain filmmakers (~auteurs~) who are so wrapped up (and whose characters are so wrapped up) in themselves that you could insert zombies in the background of the film, or the foreground, and I honestly don't think things would change. (This applies less to Ozu than Godard. I have major Godard issues. The joke about Ozu is less about his characters and more about the camera work/editing/pacing; I would love to see what a horror film with the same style as Ozu looks like.) This only tangentially applies to the vid, but that sense of "this is a movie about loss and ennui" superseded by "holy shit zombies" is one that I often imagine when I watch particularly poor examples of certain kinds of films.

(This is also why I am suddenly more interested in the Jarmusch film Only Lovers Left Alive; I've been meaning to give Jarmusch another chance anyway -- this makes me more interested in doing so.)

(Rereading this makes it sound like I hate certain kinds of films and that's not entirely true: it's more that I am incredibly fussy about indie & art house films to the point where I either LOVE THEM FOREVER or I HATE THEM FOREVER with very little in between. Oddly both groups occasionally get the "how would this film be different with [x]?" treatment.)

ANYWAY. I fully admit that not everyone would have that same feeling of delight.

I also mostly agree that there is a contract between reader/viewer and creator and certainly I have been angry at creators who have violated it, but there is also a place, I think, for setting up expectations and then subverting them. I don't have a general rule of thumb for that, except that when it works, it can work really well! (When it doesn't work, I get angry though, so ... IDEK.)

Re: this is a total tangent: how best to elicit surprise?

[sanguinity]

The guy I dated in college had wanted to go to film school, and took me to see a lot of art/indie films while we were together. I don't actually hate them now, but I do feel like I've seen a lifetime supply and don't have to see any more if I don't want to. (Sometimes I want to. A lot of the time I don't.) So even though I couldn't name you examples of either director's work I laughed anyway, because I do know the kind of thing you're talking about.

The contract with the reader/viewer can be successfully violated, I agree! But yeah, it's one of those things where people are well within their rights to yell at you if you if they think you didn't pull it off.

Re: this is a total tangent: how best to elicit surprise?

[frayadjacent]

I don't have anything to add, but I've enjoyed this conversation!

[frayadjacent]

That does sound like chaila! It's good to have encouragement. :D

I too, am curious about your LKBV about genocide. It does seem highly likely that none of your ideas are bad, though.

[sanguinity]

However, it is entirely possible that the idea has no real viability outside of my personal context. But eh, chaila is right: make it for me first, and then worry about whether it will make sense to others.

And it is excellent to have encouragement. Especially when your brain is more than happy to sandbag you at every step.

[ghost_lingering]

I totally empathize with #4 -- that is a lesson that I have to relearn periodically. And I'm very excited to see what your seven vids for 2015 will be!

[frayadjacent]

I think 7 vids in one year would be a record for me! But I keep telling myself that living in Australia, where I don't know many people, is the perfect time to really focus on vidding. But there's still the focus bit that needs to happen, heh.

[umadoshi]

Lack of focus is brutal. :/ So much sympathy on that front. I'm glad you had a good (and entirely valid!) realization that made you feel better.

And all of the other things in this post are awesome, so yay for those! And good luck with all the vid projects! ^_^

[frayadjacent]

Yeah, you recently were talking about your own frustrations with focus (and the frustrations in trying to talk to your doctor about same).

I am totally happier when my days off involve really going deeply into something, whether it's vidding, or spending time with someone, going on a hike, or even just doing housework or marathoning a show. But my brain won't always let me do that, and it's much better to just accept it than fight it.